The People who count the Votes

The People who count the Votes
translated by Bevin Chu
December 25, 2007


Joseph Stalin, General Secretary of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union
约瑟夫 斯大林, 蘇聯第1任蘇共中央總書記

"The people who cast the votes decide nothing. The people who count the votes decide everything."
-- attributed to Joseph Stalin

"投票的人什麼都不決定。數票的人決定一切 "
-- 约瑟夫 斯大林


Executive Yuan Secretary General Chen Ching-chun, one of "the people who count the votes," threatens local election officials belonging to the 18 Pan Blue governed counties and municipalities with removal from office, replacement by others, criminal prosecution, and draconian punishments if they don't meekly implement the ruling DPP's "single-stage balloting procedure." Chen denounces a KMT newspaper ad (left hand) exposing the ruling DPP's determination to have the DPP controlled Central Election Committee "count" the votes, and asserts that the government is upholding the ROC Constitution (right hand)


William M. "Boss" Tweed (1823 - 1878) Member of the U.S. House of Representatives from New York's 5th district
特威德老大 (1823 - 1878) 美因侵吞公款身敗名裂的知名政治人物


Inscription on ballot box: In counting there is strength
票櫃上的標語 : 數票就是力量

"As long as I count the votes, what are you going to do about it?"
-- Boss Tweed

"只要選票是我來數的, 你能拿我這麼樣? "
-- 特威德老大


香港文匯報 [2006-11-27] 美報諷扁「特威德老大」

後人對特威德老大的印象，大多來自這幅漫畫作品。畫中的特威德自信滿滿地說：「只要計算選票的人是我，你又能怎樣？」

【本報訊】據聯合報26日消息：《紐約時報》在一篇發自台北的報道中指出，最近台灣爆發「總統國務機要費」案及首長特別費案，使台灣的民主政治遭到嚴厲考驗。

報道說，台灣政壇向來充斥口水戰與肢體衝突，近來尤甚。曾被視為「台灣之子」的陳水扁，而今卻被指為「特威德老大（Boss Tweed）」（美因侵吞公款身敗名裂的知名政治人物，1868年到1870年之間，時任紐約州參議員特威德藉職務之便竊取紐約市政府至少2,500萬美元的公共經費，使紐約市政府赤字激增）。檢方指他涉及機要費案，並起訴扁夫人吳淑珍，案子預定12月開始審理。在野的國民黨對機要費案本來見獵心喜，不料現任台北市長的黨主席馬英九也被指涉及首長特別費案而陣腳大亂。

紐時指出，民進黨內部分人士對陳水扁感到失望甚至厭惡，不過仍然維持表面上的團結，以抵制在野黨所提的罷免案。

Error Alone

Error Alone
Quote of the Day
translated by Bevin Chu
November 29, 2007


Thomas Jefferson

It is error alone which needs the support of government. Truth can stand by itself.
-- Thomas Jefferson, Notes on the State of Virginia - 1787

只有錯誤才需要政府來支持。真相自己站的住腳。
-- 美國的第三任總統湯瑪斯傑弗遜, 筆記關於弗吉尼亞州- 1787 年


Minister of National Defense Lee Tien-yu 李天羽 , a gutless "milicrat," supports an error by obeying a man instead of the law

Is It still The China Post? Or is It now The Taiwan Post?

Is It still The China Post? Or is It now The Taiwan Post?
Bevin Chu
November 2, 2007

Today's China Post carried an article on the blow up between Lien Chan and Ma Ying-jeou.

In the article, entitled "Ma upholds 'one-China' principle with various definitions," dated Friday, November 2, 2007, the China Post news staff wrote:

"Opposition presidential candidate Ma Ying-jeou clarified yesterday that he has always supported the idea of "national unification" between Taiwan and China [sic!] as well as a document backing the "one-China" principle reached by Taipei and Beijing in 1992."


The China Post. Or is it the Taiwan Post?

For the China Post to refer to the Chinese mainland as "China," and to Taiwan as if it were a separate and independent nation, is both ludicrous and appalling.

Have the editors forgotten that the name of their paper is "The China Post?"

The China Post is a paper located on Taiwan. It is rightly named the China Post because Taiwan is an integral part of China.

Strictly speaking, the ROC and the PRC are not really nations, but governments. Governments are not nations. Nations are not governments.

China is the name of the nation. The ROC and the PRC are governments that control different parts of China, but neither government is equivalent to the nation of China, qua nation.

If the China Post is so far down the "ben tu" path that it considers the Chinese mainland "China," and the Taiwan region of China a separate and independent nation, then why is it still referring to itself as "The China Post?" Why hasn't it changed its name to "The Taiwan Post?"

The blow up between Lien and Ma was precipitated by Ma Ying-jeou's craven retreat from the KMT's core value of "One China."

Ma has of course denied that the omissions mean anything.

But actions speak louder than words. If the omission of "National Reunification" and the "92 Consensus" was "no big deal," then why were they not left in?

Obviously getting rid of the two clauses was a big deal for Ma Ying-jeou.

For the past two years, Ma has been falling over himself in a desperate and pathetic attempt to transform himself from a citizen of the Republic of China to a presidential candidate for the "Nation of Taiwan."

Both the China Post and Ma Ying-jeou need to take a long hard look at where they're headed.

As the the admonition carved on the "pai lou" (entrance gate) of a local Taiwan monastery puts it:

"Ku hai wu bian, hui tou shi an" (The raging sea is boundless, but behind you is the shore)

Taiwan is already in the United Nations

Taiwan is already in the United Nations
by Dennis Zhu
translated by Bevin Chu

Election season is here. The Green camp never seems to tire of trotting out the "Join the UN" issue. Nor is the Kuomintang willing to take a back seat. For this round it has steeled itself, and decided to play the game out to the bitter end. But if we look at the issue in all seriousness, the "Join the UN" issue is phony through and through.

China (the mainland plus Taiwan) is a founding member of the United Nations. Prior to 1971, the Republic of China represented China in the United Nations. After 1971, the People's Republic of China successfully replaced the Republic of China, becoming China's (the mainland plus Taiwan) legitimate representative in the United Nations. The various mainland provinces and Province of Taiwan, have from beginning to end, remained integral parts of China, so naturally they have been inside the United Nations. If Taiwan wants to join the United Nations, it must first separate from China, only then will it have any basis for joining the United Nations. If it hasn't declared independence, yet hopes to join the UN, that is a self-contradictory position that the international community cannot accept.

The Republic of China government, not Taiwan, was forced out of the United Nations in 1971. The challenge today is to convince the Beijing authorities to allow the Taiwan authorities to join China's delegation in the United Nations, to join forces with the mainland, and practice the diplomacy befitting a great nation.


Taiwan, a Province of China, is already in the UN

台灣仍在聯合國
祝仲康

選舉將屆，綠營又不厭其煩的祭出「入聯」議題，中國國民黨為了不甘示弱，這回吃了秤砣鐵了心，決定奉陪到底。但若認真計較起來，其實「入聯」是個如「真」包換的假議題。

中國（大陸加台灣）是聯合國創始會員國之ㄧ，民國六十年以前由中華民國作為中國在聯合國之代表。之後，中華人民共和國成功取代中華民國，成為中國（大陸加台灣）在聯合國之合法代表。大陸各省與台灣省,自始至終均為中國之ㄧ部分，自然始終處於聯合國之內。台灣若要加入聯合國，必須先宣布脫離中國，然後才具備加入聯合國之基礎，若未宣布獨立而妄想加入，是與現狀矛盾而無法為國際社會所接受的。

民國六十年自聯合國被逼退的實為中華民國，而非台灣。為今之計，應是如何說服北京當局同意台灣亦能派遣人員加入中國駐聯合國代表團，以兩岸之力，共辦大國外交。

Taipei European School New Campus Dedication Speech

Taipei European School New Campus Dedication Speech
Ma Ying-jeou
October 17, 2007

In May of last year (2006) Principal John Nixon, Ministry of Foreign Affairs European Affairs Director Wang Yu-yuan, and I participated in the Taipei European School's Wen Lin School District Relocation and Groundbreaking Ceremony. Today I am happy to be able to participate in the Taipei European School's New Campus Dedication Ceremony, to be a witness to the Taipei European School's shining future.

One. European Unification — A Model of Ethnic Integration

The Taipei European School is a very special school. It was established in 1990. Its predecessor was the Taipei German School, the English School, and the French School. In 1992 the three were combined into one. In 2003 its name was changed to the Taipei European School. The school was divided into German, English, and French Departments. It recruited preschool through high school students. Teaching was conducted in German, English and French. It had nearly a thousand students from 50 countries around the globe, and nearly 200 teachers. It was a miniature global village, a microcosmic version of our earth.

The establishment of the Taipei European School is a shining example of ethnic integration. As we know, this is the 50th anniversary of the founding of the European Union. In 1957 six European countries signed the Treaty of Rome. Europe began its journey toward integration. Despite long standing cultural and linguistic differences, Europe found common ground in values such as freedom, democracy, the rule of law, equality, and human rights. In January 2007, Romania and Bulgaria joined the European Union. Now the European Union includes 27 countries. Its total population is 500 million. It has become the world's largest economic and trading entity. European Union members include nations in Western Europe, Central Europe and Eastern Europe. It has 23 official languages. During Europe's integration, nations set aside their differences. They promoted mutual welfare and harmony. The European Union is more than an example for the world to emulate. It is an example for Taiwan to emulate.

Two. Economic Relations between the Republic of China and the European Union

According to European Union estimates, the Taiwan region of the ROC is the European Union 10th biggest supplier. It is the European Union's 14th biggest trading partner. Excluding the European continent, it is the European Union's 10th biggest trading partner. Within Asia it is the European Union's 5th biggest trading partner. In 2006 exports to the European Union amounted to 26 billion Euros, an increase of 9.7%. European Union exports to Taiwan amounted to 13 billion Euros, an increase of 1.5%. In 2006 total trade amounted to 39.4 billion Euros, an increase of 6.8%. Compared to peak trade totals of 43 billion Yuan in 2000, Taiwan's exports to the European Union in recent years has slowed. In 2006 this led to a Taiwan to European Union trade deficit of 13 billion Euros, an increase of nearly 20% compared to 2005.

In terms of investments, the European Union established a new high in 2006. Its investments in Taiwan exceeded 7 billion Euros (Ministry of Economic Affairs figures). In 2006 over half of the ROC's foreign investment came from the European Union. One reason was many subsidiaries on Taiwan stransferred their technology to their European headquarters. Another was that several new investments on Taiwan went forward. Estimates for total European Union investment in Taiwan approach 15 billion US Dollars. Over half from Holland (9 billion US Dollars). Next come the UK (4 billion US Dollars) and Germany (1.7 billion US Dollars). Total European Union investments on Taiwan in 2006 surpassed even those by the US and Japan. The European Union has become the ROC's biggest foreign investor, accounting for as much as as 20% of all foreign investments.

In terms of personnel exchanges, in 2006 visitors from Taiwan to European Union countries increased almost 10% compared to 2005. Over 330,000 visas were issued, a new high. Students going to the European Union to pursue advanced studies also increased, exceeding 12,000 in 2006. The number has doubled since a decade ago. An estimated 25,000 or more students from Taiwan are currently attending school in Europe.

Three. Strengthen the Economy. Connect with the Asian Pacific Region. Adopt a Global Outlook.

Taiwan's economic performance has deteriorated badly since 2000. We were once the first of the Four Asian Tigers. We are now the last. We have steadily slipped in international competitiveness. According to Switzerland's International Institute for Management Development (IMD), mainland China surpassed Taiwan in global competitiveness for the first time this year. Last year we ranked 17th. This year we dropped to 18th. Mainland China meanwhile, advanced from 18th to 15th. The consensus is Taiwan's competitiveness has fallen primarily due to unsound government policy.

I believe we must improve the economy and create employment opportunities. My basic view is:

First. Economic matters should be dealt with by economic means. When Nobel Prize winning economist Robert Mundell visited some time ago, I consulted with him regarding Taiwan's economic development, and that is what he said.

Second. To resuscitate Taiwan's economy requires "pragmatic opening." The Democratic Progressive Party's seven year long Closed Door Policy has seriously impacted normal business development, and cannot be allowed to continue.

Third. Non economic factors that affect economic development must be eliminated. On the one hand we must establish a model for political party cooperation. This will ensure domestic political stability. On the other hand, we must sign a peace agreement with the mainland predicated on "peaceful co-existence and mutual prosperity." This will promote cross Straits economic and trade normalization.

Fourth. Economic development must take into consideration issues of fairness, justice, and sustainable development. Since the Democratic Progressive Party has been in power, the gap between rich and poor has reached new highs. We must reduce this disparity. At the same time, we must also take into account environmental protection issues. We must fulfill our responsibilities as members of the Global Village.

In accordance with these four premises, we hope to strengthen Taiwan, connect with the Asian Pacific Region, and adopt a Global Outlook. Our blueprint for economic development has three goals. They are to transform Taiwan into a global center for innovation, an Asian Pacific economic and trade hub, and a transshipment center for Taiwan businesses.

Our goal is: Six percent annual growth after 2008. A per capita income of US$20,000 by 2011. 100,000 employment opportunities. An unemployment rate below 3%. In short, we must recreate a prosperous Taiwan "knee deep in money."

In order to achieve these goals, we must first accomplish two important tasks.

(1) Open up Three Links and Direct Flights

If I am elected, I will promote direct cross Straits sea and air links as swiftly as possible. This will expedite cross Straits exchanges, save time and money, and hopefully allow Taiwan to become a springboard by which European businesses can advance to the Chinese mainland.

(2) I will promote the normalization of cross Straits relations, predicated on "peace and prosperity."

In addition to President Chen Shui-bian's Five Noes, I have proposed "Five Desires," predicated upon the 92 Consensus. These include: restarting cross Straits negotiations, signing a cross Straits 30 to 50 year peace agreement, normalizing cross Straits economic and trade and moving toward a cross Straits common market, increasing the ROC's international space and strengthening cross Straits cultural exchanges, enabling mainland high school students to attend university on Taiwan. I believe we can achieve mutual trust with the mainland, and with peace and prosperity as our twin goals, establish a win/win cross Straits relationship. Taiwan business investments on the mainland will operate under a deregulated policy of "open as the rule, managed as the exception." This will enable businesses to develop freely.

Fourth. Conclusion

When I held the post of Taipei mayor, I deeply respected the Taipei European School. When the Taipei European School needed to build a new campus, we provided close cooperation. I wanted Taipei to provide a quality environment that would allow international talent to come to Taiwan to live and work, and not worry about their children's schooling.

I hope the establishment of the Taipei European School will enable more international talent to live on Taiwan, attract more international talent to Taiwan, and thereby turn Taipei into an international village. Thank you all.

10月17日
台北歐洲學校新校區開幕典禮參考稿

去（2006）年5月與倪克森（John Nixon）校長及外交部歐洲司司長王豫元一同參加台北歐洲學校文林校區遷建動土典禮，今天很高興能夠來參加台北歐洲學校新校區的開幕典禮，見證台北歐洲學校新校區的未來。

一、歐洲整合—族群融合的典範

台 北歐洲學校是一個很特別的學校，成立於1990年，前身為台北德國學校、英國學校及法國學校，於1992年整合，2003年再更名為台北歐洲學校 （Taipei European School），學校裡分為德國部、英國部、法國部及高中部，不但招收幼稚園到高中的外籍學生，校內教學亦包括德語、英語和法語三種語言，學校擁有來自全 球50個國家近千名的國際學生及近2百名教職員，是一個小型地球村，也是全球的縮影。

台北歐洲學校的成立，恰好展現了族群融合的典範。我 們知道，今年剛好是歐盟成立50年，1957年歐洲六國簽署羅馬條約後，歐洲走上整合之路，在多元文化、語言與傳統中，歐洲找出共同的自由、民主、法治、 平等及人權等價值。2007年1月羅馬尼亞和保加利亞加入歐盟之後，如今歐盟已擴增至27國，總人口5億，已成為全球最大經濟體與貿易實體，歐盟成員除了 遍及中西歐地區之外，更深入中歐及東歐地區，光官方語言就有23種，歐洲在整合過程中，捐棄前嫌，提升彼此的福祉與和諧，不但是全球學習的對象，也是台灣 借鏡的對象。

二、台灣與歐盟經濟交流現況

根據歐盟統計，台灣是歐盟第10大供應商，是歐盟全球第14位貿易夥伴，在歐陸 以外地區，台灣是歐盟第10大貿易伙伴，在亞洲國家中為歐盟第5大貿易伙伴。2006年台灣對歐盟出口金額達260億歐元，成長達9.7％，歐盟對台灣出 口金額為130億歐元，成長1.5％；2006年貿易總額達394億歐元，成長6.8％，與2000年貿易總額高峰期—430億元比較，似乎近年來台灣對 歐盟出口成長較為趨緩，使得2006年台灣對歐盟逆差130億歐元，較2005年增加近20％。

在投資方面，歐盟2006年對台灣投資金 額創新高，突破70億歐元（經濟部統計），2006年台灣的外來投資，半數以上來自歐盟，原因在於許多既有台灣分公司將資產技術轉移至歐洲總部，以及數項 新投資案在台進行所致。總計歐盟在台投資已累積至150億美元，其中逾半來自荷蘭（90億美元），其次分別為英國（40億美元）與德國（17億美元），歐 盟累計投資台灣金額，2006年甚至超越美國與日本，成為台灣最大外資，比例高達20％。

在人員交流方面，2006年台灣前往歐盟國家的台灣旅客人次較2005年增加逾10％，簽證核發數便超過33萬份，創下歷史新高，前往歐盟深造的台灣學子人數也不斷升高，2006年超過1.2萬人，較10年前成長一倍，估計現在有2.5萬名以上的台灣學生在歐洲就學。

三、壯大台灣、結合亞太、佈局全球

從2000 年以來，台灣經濟表現比以前差很多。從前我們是亞洲四小龍的第一名，現在變成最後一名，在國際競爭力上也一步步下滑，今年瑞士洛桑管理學院（IMD）的世 界競爭力排名，大陸第一次超越台灣，我們去年17名，今年倒退到18名，大陸卻從18名進步到15名。一般認為台灣競爭力下滑，主要是因為政府政策不正確 所致。

我認為我們當前要改善經濟，創造就業機會。我的基本理念是：

第1，經濟的事盡量照經濟的法則來做。前一陣子經濟大師諾貝爾獎得主孟岱爾（Mundell）來台時，我向他請教有關台灣經濟發展的問題時，他就是這樣說的。

第2，要救台灣經濟必須「務實開放」。民進黨的鎖國政策七年多下來，嚴重影響企業正常發展，不能再持續下去。

第3，影響經濟發展的非經濟因素需要排除。一方面要建立政黨合作模式，讓國內政治穩定，另一方面要和大陸在「和平共榮」的前提下，簽訂和平協議，推動兩岸經貿正常化。

第4，經濟發展必須兼顧公平正義和永續發展。民進黨執政以來，貧富差距創歷史新高，我們必須縮短這個差距，同時，還必須重視綠色環保的問題，以善盡地球村成員的責任。

在這四個基本理念的前提下，我們希望能壯大台灣、結合亞太、佈局全球。我們的經濟發展藍圖有三個願景，那就是把台灣發展成：全球創新中心、亞太經貿樞紐及台商營運總部。

我們的目標是：在2008年後每年經濟成長6％，2011年時每人平均所得兩萬美元，並創造10萬個就業機會，使失業率降到3％以下。簡單的說，我們要再創「台灣錢淹腳目」的繁榮景象。

為了達成前述目標，我認為有兩項重要的工作要先做。

（一）開放三通直航

我若當選，一定儘速推動兩岸海空直航。讓兩岸往來更為便利，節省時間及金錢，同時，也希望台灣能夠成為歐商前進大陸的跳板。

（二）在「和平、繁榮」的前提下，促進兩岸關係正常化

除 了陳水扁總統的五不（Five no’s）之外，我提出「五要」主張，包括在九二共識下，重新啟動兩岸談判、兩岸簽署30~50年和平協議、兩岸經貿正常化並邁向兩岸共同市場、台灣國際 空間及加強兩岸文化交流，讓中學生可以來台灣讀大學。我相信我們可以和大陸取得互信，雙方可以在「和平」（peace）和繁榮（prosperity）的 兩大目標下，為企業界創造一個雙贏的兩岸關係。台商對大陸投資，則採取「原則開放、例外管理」的鬆綁政策，讓企業可以自由發展。

四、結語

我在擔任台北市長時，便非常重視台北歐洲學校，台北歐洲學校要興建新校區，我們極力配合，就是希望台北提供一個良好的環境，讓國際人才來台灣居住與工作時，不用擔心小孩就學的問題。

希望台北歐洲學校的成立，能夠讓更多的國際人才居住在台灣，吸引更多的國際人才到台灣居住與工作，使台北成為一個國際村。謝謝各位！

Ang Lee's Chinese roots fuel cultural controversy in Taiwan

Ang Lee's Chinese Roots fuel Cultural Controversy in Taiwan
Bevin Chu
October 5, 2007


Ang Lee receives another Golden Lion Award at the Venice Film Festival, this time for "Lust, Caution"

The following Associated Press article on famed Chinese director Ang Lee is better than most. Most major media reporters in the West parrot the ruling DPP's official line with every line they write. The following AP article parrots the ruling DPP's official line only every other line.

The ruling DPP has shamelessly exploited Lee's hard-earned global fame to promote its artificially concocted "Taiwanese, not Chinese" ethnic and cultural identity.

Academy Award winning auteur Ang Lee has never been happy about being abused this way, especially since his feelings about cultural identity are nothing like the ruling DPP's.

But Lee, in contrast with politically oriented directors such as Oliver Stone, focuses on character development rather than ideological conflict. As such, the soft-spoken Lee has refrained from openly complaining about having his personal fame exploited by the ruling DPP, and his actual views on cultural identity grossly misrepresented.

To its credit the following IHT article on Lee exposes the DPP's opportunistic exploitation of Lee's achievements, which are individual, not collective achievements.

To its discredit however, it continues to convey a misleading impression of the political situation on Taiwan.

To correct this impression, I have added my own comments to the article.





International Herald Tribune
Ang Lee's Chinese roots fuel cultural controversy in Taiwan
The Associated Press
Monday, September 17, 2007

TAIPEI, Taiwan: As Taiwan's government ratchets up a campaign to emphasize its cultural separateness from China, one of the island's internationally famous cultural icons insists his mainland Chinese roots have played a major role in his film-making.

The China Desk: AP's title for this news article implies that Ang Lee is "Taiwanese, not Chinese," but has "Chinese roots." No such thing. Ang Lee doesn't "have Chinese roots." Ang Lee, like all 23 million citizens of the Republic of China, is Chinese.

Some citizens of the Republic of China do not want to be Chinese. They want to redefine themselves as "Taiwanese." But the fact is they haven't succeeded in doing so. Not yet anyway. So until they do so, they and everyone else on Taiwan will remain Chinese, i.e., citizens of the Republic of China.

"Taiwan" doesn't have a government, unless one is referring to the Taiwan Provincial Government, which has been "frozen" since 1998. The government that exercises jurisdiction over the island of Taiwan is the Republic of China government. Today, most nations, including the UN, no longer recognize the Republic of China government.

But those nations that do recognize the Republic of China government, consider it the legitimate government not only of Taiwan, but of the whole of China, including the mainland, Hong Kong, and Macao.

In any event, it is simply wrong to refer to the Republic of China government as "Taiwan's government." The Republic of China government governs Taiwan, to be sure. But it is not "Taiwan's government." It is quite literally "China's government."

Taiwan is hardly the only territory it governs. It also governs the Penghu Archipelago, which is an entirely separate territory not part of Taiwan. It even governs portions of the mainland Chinese province of Fujian, such as Jingmen and Mazu, and portions of Hainan Island, such as the Dongsha and Nansha Islets in the South China Sea.


Lust, Caution (2007, directed by Ang Lee, written by Eileen Chang, James Schamus)

IHT: "A big part of (my culture) is Chinese tradition from my parents, from school, so that is who I am," said Ang Lee, director of the Oscar-winning "Brokeback Mountain." Lee's spy thriller "Lust, Caution" won the top Golden Lion award at the Venice Film Festival earlier this month.

"I grew up in Taiwan, but you know where my ideas, my brushstrokes came from," he said.

Lee was born on the island 53 years ago, after his parents fled the 1949 communist victory in a civil war on the Chinese mainland. Their generation of immigrants — about 15 percent of Taiwan's 23 million people — tends to pay homage to Chinese roots, seeing the island as a strong repository of China's cultural and historical tradition.

The China Desk: My late father used to mock the "2 million mainlanders" factoid. The "2 million mainlanders" factoid is based on the estimated number of individuals who migrated from mainland China to Taiwan between 1945 and 1949, when the population of Taiwan was a mere 6 million.

The population of Taiwan is now 23 million. Yet Taiwan independence spin controllers have continued to talk of "2 million mainlanders who withdrew to Taiwan with Chiang Kai-shek's troops in 1949."

On the one hand, the presumption is that the 2 million mainlanders did not bear a single child. On the other hand, any children born are counted as "native Taiwanese," inflating the numbers for "native Taiwanese" and capping in perpetuity the number of "mainlanders."

That would be fine, except that every time an election rolls around these children of the "2 million mainlanders" are instantly reclassified as "wai sheng di er dai" (second generation mainlanders) instead of "first generation Taiwanese," and excluded from the ranks of "zheng gang de tai wan ren" (authentic Taiwanese).

IHT: But descendants of those who came from the mainland in the 17th and 18th centuries, and form the island's majority, think of themselves as primarily Taiwanese. Many play down their Chinese connections.

The China Desk: Wrong, wrong, wrong! Some, not all, descendants of those who came from the mainland in the 17th and 18th centuries, and form the island's majority, think of themselves as primarily Taiwanese. Some, not all, play down their Chinese "connections," i.e., identity.

Political pundits on Taiwan have a saying: "min yi ru liu shui" (the will of the people is like running water). Depending upon when one asks the question: "Do you consider yourself Chinese, Taiwanese, or both Chinese and Taiwanese?" one will get any number of different answers.

Actions speak louder than words. Judging by actions and not words, only Deep Green Taiwan independence hardliners, who constitute a mere 15 to 20 percent of the island's population, truly consider themselves "Taiwanese, not Chinese."

IHT: The identity question is fast becoming a major issue in Taiwanese politics, with the ruling Democratic Progressive Party or DPP pushing separateness from China, while the main opposition Nationalists seek eventual unification with the communist colossus 160 kilometers (100 miles) to the west.

Lee has not spoken out publicly on politics, but "Lust, Caution" is a paean to his Chinese background.

Set against the backdrop of Japanese-occupied Shanghai during World War II, it is based on a short story by famed Chinese writer Eileen Chang.

The film — casting mostly [mainland] Chinese and Hong Kong actors and actresses — marks Lee's return to Chinese-language films after the highly acclaimed "Brokeback Mountain," set in the American west.

The China Desk: Mainland China is not "China." China is mainland China plus Taiwan, plus Hong Kong, plus Macao, plus numerous offshore islands in the Western Pacific.

Until the Taiwan independence movement succeeds in founding a sovereign and independent "Republic of Taiwan," Taiwan will remain a province of China, under the jurisdiction of either the Republic of China government in Taipei, or the People's Republic of China government in Beijing.

Therefore mainland Chinese actors, within the context of the IHT article, should not be referred to as "Chinese actors," since this misleadingly implies that Taiwanese actors are not Chinese actors.

IHT: Taiwan has its own rich cultural tradition.

The China Desk: This remark is disingenuous Taiwan independence spin control. It implies that Taiwan's "rich cultural tradition" is not part of China's rich cultural tradition.

Taiwan does indeed have "its own rich cultural tradition," but only in the sense that Bordeaux "has its own rich cultural tradition."

Just as Bordeaux's rich cultural tradition is part of France's rich cultural tradition, so Taiwan's rich cultural tradition is part of China's rich cultural tradition.

IHT: In the decades following the end of a half-century of Japanese colonial rule in 1945, the mix of newer Chinese immigrants and local talent turned the island into a hotbed of cultural innovation, from movies and pop songs to stage shows, at a time when [the mainland region of] China was being torn apart by violent political movements.

The China Desk: The newer Chinese were not "immigrants." They were migrants.

Japan extorted Taiwan from China at gunpoint in 1895. Japan retroceded (gave back) Taiwan to China in 1945. By 1945 Taiwan was already Chinese territory.

One does not "immigrate" to another part of one's own nation. One immigrates only to foreign nations.

Australians who move from Sydney to Hobart are not "immigrating" to Tasmania. They are migrating from one region of Australia to another region of Australia.

And so it was with Chinese who migrated from the mainland region of China to Taiwan between 1945 and 1949. They were not "immigrating" anywhere. They were migrating from one region of China to another region of China.

IHT: Taiwanese film critic Liang Liang said the island played a key role in preserving China's cultural heritage. He praised Lee's cinematic works "as an embodiment of this shining legacy."

Liang blasted the DPP for trying to represent Lee as an avatar of a distinctly Taiwanese culture.

"The Taiwan government [i.e., the ruling DPP regime] should feel ashamed as it tried to make use of Lee's international fame," he said.

The China Desk: When Taiwan independence spin controllers speak of a "distinctly Taiwanese culture" they mean a "distinctly Taiwanese national culture that is not Chinese." In this sense, there is is no "distinctly Taiwanese culture." The culture of Taiwan is not distinctive enough to qualify as "distinctly Taiwanese."

Taiwanese culture is Fujian's Hoklo culture and Canton's Hakka culture, with a dash of Aboriginal culture. Taiwanese culture is only distinct enough to qualify as a regional Chinese culture.

The differences between the culture of Taiwan and the culture of the mainland are almost too small to be of significance. The differences between Xinjiang and Canton, for example, are far greater than the minute differences between Taiwan and Fujian.


Lust, Caution Stars Tony Leung Chiu Wai and Wei Tang

IHT: Following Lee's acceptance of the Golden Lion prize, Taiwanese officials nicknamed him "the glory of Taiwan." They offered him a subsidy of up to 80 million New Taiwan dollars (US$2.4 million; €1.7 million) for his next production, and campaigned for an Oscar nomination for "Lust, Caution" in the category of best foreign film.

The China Desk: Ang Lee, who is "wai sheng di er dai" (second generation mainlander) would not be referred to as "The Glory of Taiwan" if he were a Pan Blue legislator or pundit, instead of a largely apolitical film maker. If Ang Lee were a KMT or New Party legislator or pundit, "Taiwanese officials" would be calling him very different names. Names such as "Chinese pig" or "Mainlander pig," and demanding that he "Get the hell back to the mainland."

IHT: Lee has long played [sic] homage to both his Taiwanese and Chinese roots in several films, including the 2000 Oscar-winning martial arts hit "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon."

The China Desk: "both his Taiwanese and Chinese roots"? What kind of asinine conceptual muddle is this? Does a Frenchman from Bordeaux "pay homage to both his Bordeaux and French roots"? Ang Lee's "Taiwanese roots" are Chinese roots. There is no such thing as "Taiwanese roots" that are not simultaneously Chinese roots.

IHT: His international success contrasts sharply with the generally unhealthy state Taiwan's film industry.

Once seen as a world leader, it faltered badly in the 1990s, unable to compete at the box office with big-budget Hollywood films.

Some critics blame Taiwan's government for the decline, saying its insistence on emphasizing distinctly Taiwanese heroes limited local films' appeal in the broader Chinese-language market.

The China Desk: And so they should. Political Correctness is the serial rapist that strangles creativity in the arts. For all its very real faults, the KMT did a terrific job of nurturing Taiwan's fledgling film industry. Once Taiwan independence fundamentalists usurped power, it was all over.

IHT: But Taiwan government spokesman Shieh Jhy-wey brushed the criticisms aside.

"Taiwan's freewheeling democracy has worked as an incubator for talents like Ang Lee," he said.

The China Desk: Nonsense. What little help Ang Lee got was provided by the state owned film industry established by the KMT during the Two Chiangs Era. The ruling DPP never did anything to help Ang Lee become the internationally renowned director that he is today.

Just as it never did anything to help New York Yankees star pitcher Wang Chien-ming, also a "wai sheng di er dai" (second generation mainlander), also touted as "The Glory of Taiwan," become the Major League baseball star that he is today.

The rulling DPP is merely attempting to take credit for after the fact. Hence Taiwanese film critic Liang Liang's fully justified outrage.

Populism, Plutocracy, and Oligarchy: The Fulfillment, not Betrayal of Democracy

Populism, Plutocracy, and Oligarchy: The Fulfillment, not Betrayal of Democracy
Bevin Chu
September 30, 2007


The "Goddess of Democracy" has feet of clay

Democracy, we are told, is hallowed.

Democracy, we are told, is sacred.

Democracy, we are told, must not be betrayed by populism (rule by the mob), by plutocracy (rule by the rich), or by oligarchy (rule by the few).

In fact, democracy is not hallowed.

In fact, democracy is not sacred.

In fact, democracy has never been "in danger of being betrayed" by populism, by plutocracy, or by oligarchy.

Democracy has never been in danger of being betrayed by populism, by plutocracy, or by oligarchy, because democracy is populism, plutocracy, and oligarchy.

Populism, plutocracy, and oligarchy can never "betray democracy," because populism, plutocracy, and oligarchy is the fulfillment of democracy.

To paraphrase the Army recruiting slogan, populism, plutocracy, and oligarchy is democracy "being all that it can be."


The moth in another guise


The caterpillar in another guise

Populism, plutocracy, and oligarchy is merely the moth/caterpillar. Populism, plutocracy, and oligarchy is merely democracy at a later stage of development.

Democracy is the merely the caterpillar/moth. Democracy is merely populism, plutocracy, and oligarchy at an earlier stage of development.

The essence of democracy is the violation of the natural rights and political liberty of the individual by the collective.

"Democracy," as Benjamin Franklin astutely noted, "is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch."

This brutal rape of the individual is given a veneer of moral legitimacy by pro forma rituals such as voting and term limits, none of which alter the fundamental immorality at democracy's core.

Going through such ritual motions as voting merely adds a layer of hypocritical pretense to the process.

The ugly reality is that the collective has imposed its will upon the individual by means of brute force, the same way that a rapist imposes his will upon his victim.

I'm stronger than you. Therefore you can either submit, or be physically overpowered or even murdered.

The only difference is that society has "normalized" democracy's systematic rape of the individual by the Leviathan State.

It has not "normalized" the rape of women by men. Or at least not as openly.


Ted Bundy (2002, directed by Matthew Bright, written by Stephen Johnston and Matthew Bright)


Big Brother is Watching You, from George Orwell's dystopian novel "1984"

Democracy is not "the end of history as such."

Democracy is not "the end point of mankind's ideological evolution."

Democracy is not "the universalization of Western liberal democracy as the final form of human government," political scientist Frances Fukuyama and his fellow Neoconmen to the contrary notwithstanding.

Democracy is merely cannibalism with better table manners. Democracy is merely cannibals learning to use the proper knife or fork as they devour their fellow man.


"Saturn devouring his children", Francisco de Goya


Democracy is merely cannibalism with the proper knife and fork

Why are we surprised that democracy has "degenerated" into populism, plutocracy, and oligarchy?

Democracy is destined to morph into populism, plutocracy, and oligarchy. Just as the caterpillar is destined to morph into the moth.

Shouldn't we be more astonished if democracy failed to "degenerate," i.e., metamorphose into populism, plutocracy, and oligarchy?

Libertarian Purity Test

Libertarian Purity Test
Bevin Chu
September 10, 2007

Market anarchist Bryan Caplan is a professor of economics at George Mason University.

Caplan has posted a useful "Libertarian Purity Test" at his website.

See:
http://www.bcaplan.com/cgi-bin/purity.cgi

As Caplan explains:

"This is the Libertarian Purity Test, which is intended to measure how libertarian you are. It isn't intended to be any sort of McCarthyite purging device -- just a form of entertainment, hopefully thought-provoking. I like it a lot better than the more famous "World's Shortest Political Quiz" because I haven't stated the questions with any intent to give an upward bias to a test-taker's score, and because it gives a clearer breakdown between hard and soft-core libertarians. Enjoy, suggest your friends try it out, and see how you compare to other test-takers."

Market anarchists and non market anarchists alike may want to check it out and see how they score.

Chinese Liberalism vs. Western Authoritarianism

Chinese Liberalism vs. Western Authoritarianism
Bevin Chu
September 7, 2007

"It is by no means easy to feel one's way into such a remote and mysterious mentality as that underlying the I Ching. One cannot easily disregard such great minds as Confucius and Lao-tse, if one is at all able to appreciate the quality of the thoughts they represent; much less can one overlook the fact that the I Ching was their main source of inspiration. I know that previously I would not have dared to express myself so explicitly about so uncertain a matter. I can take this risk because I am now in my eighth decade, and the changing opinions of men scarcely impress me any more; the thoughts of the old masters are of greater value to me than the philosophical prejudices of the Western mind".
-- Carl Jung, famed Swiss psychologist


300 (2006) directed by Zack Snyder, written by Zack Snyder & Kurt Johnstad
The Asiatic hordes arrive on the doorstep of the Civilized World!
Dilios: For 500 years they've served the dark will of Persian kings. Eyes as dark as night . Teeth filed to fangs. Soulless. The personal guard to King Xerxes himself. The Persian warrior elite. The deadliest fighting force in all of Asia. The Immortals ...

... commanded by a ruthless and decadent Oriental Despot

... who "hates our freedoms"

Faceless ciphers, devoid of humanity and individuality

Monstrous subhumans

Queen Gorgo: Freedom is not free, it requires great sacrifice. The price is paid in blood.

King Leonidas: A new age has begun, an age of freedom. And all will know that 300 Spartans gave their last breath to defend it.

King Leonidas: This is where we hold them! This is where we fight! This is where they die!

Dilios: The enemy outnumber us a paltry three to one. Good odds for any Greek. This day we rescue a world from mysticism and tyranny and usher in a world brighter than anything we can imagine. Give thanks men, to Leonidas and the brave 300! To Victory!
See:
The '300' stroke, Hamid Dabashi writes on pride, prejudice, Persia and other empires

Let's try a little experiment.

Sit down in front of your PC and Google the words: "authoritarianism, liberalism, Western, Chinese".

Type them into the search box in any order you choose, hit return, and see what you get.

Come to think of it, save yourself the trouble. I'll tell you what you'll get.

Except for a link to this article, and a solitary Wikipedia article on "Chinese liberalism," you will get page after page on "Western liberalism" and "Chinese authoritarianism".

Every one of these pages will assume that the West is heir to a noble tradition of democracy and republicanism rooted in Periclean Greece and Republican Rome. Every one of these pages will demand that a "congenitally authoritarian" China emulate the Land of the Free, Home of the Brave by adopting "American style democracy."

Never mind that the Founding Fathers of these United States made quite clear that they detested democracy, and went to great pains to note that they founded a constitutional republic, not a democracy.

Every one of these pages will assume that China is heir to an ignoble tradition of "Oriental Despotism". Every one of these pages will demand that China jettison its benighted "Oriental Despotism" in favor of enlightened "Western Progressivism".

Never mind that China's unfortunate "dictatorship of the proletariat" is a Western European political invention, devised in Great Britain by two progressive Western European political philosophers named Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels.

As the old joke goes, "When you assume, you make an ass of you and me."

Economic history tells us a different story. It tells us that China, for much of her history, was as free or even freer than the West, "Athenian democracy" and "Roman republicanism" to the contrary notwithstanding.

China is the most populous nation in the world. More to the point, China has been the most populous nation in the world for most of recorded history. Most people are aware of this. But most people aren't aware of its political implications.

Economics tells us that only a society that is free is capable of generating sufficient wealth to support a large population. Large human populations are simply unsustainable without freedom. Any society that limits freedom, limits economic productivity. Any society that limits economic productivity, limits its population, through a process called famine.

Without knowing anything else about a civilization, one can confidently conclude that if a civilization has a large population, it is free or was free in the recent past. This is not feel good speculation. This is hard economic fact.

And so it is with China.

China was a hereditary monarchy for millennia. But China was hardly alone. China in this respect was no different from Europe before The Enlightenment. China had her "Mandate of Heaven". Europe had her "Divine Right of Kings". China had her Son of Heaven. France had her Le Roi Soleil (Sun King).

Where was the legacy of Athenian democracy then? Where was the legacy of Roman republicanism then? Nowhere to be found.

In fact, the Chinese people often enjoyed a high degree of de facto freedom under China's nominally "absolute" monarchy, as evidenced by the popular expression "Tian gao, huang di yuan", meaning "Heaven is high, and the emperor is far away."

This de facto freedom enabled the Chinese people to prosper and multiply, and enabled China to become the most populous nation in the world.

To be sure, the freedom the Chinese people enjoyed was not unbroken. It came and went, just as freedom came and went in the West. But when it came, it was real. And when it went, it was missed.

Between 1958 and 1961, a Western political system introduced into China by champions of Western style political reform caused widespread famine, resulting in an estimated 30 million deaths. The name of this Western political system was Marxism-Leninism.

The champions of Western values responsible for this man made catastrophe tried to blame Mother Nature, referring to it as the "Three Years of Natural Disasters". More disinterested, less self serving observers say the disaster was 35% natural misfortune, and 65% the folly of central planning.Rabid Sinophobes would have us believe that China has never been free, that it has been either authoritarian or totalitarian for the entirety of its 5,000 year history.

But three short years of totalitarianism caused the death of 30 million Chinese. If China was no freer during the remaining 4997 years of her history, how did she get to be most populous nation on earth? Obviously these self appointed "champions of freedom and human rights" are asking us to ignore a total non-compute.

In case anyone thinks the de facto freedom individual Chinese enjoyed in ancient times was mere accident, mere happenstance, mere serendipity, think again.

Ancient China had no lack of philosophical arguments for individual liberty. Western critics of "congenitally authoritarian" China to the contrary notwithstanding, the earliest arguments in favor of small government (limited government, or minarchism) and no government (anarchism), were advanced by Chinese, not Western political philosophers.The ancient Chinese philosophers Laozi (老子), Zhuangzi (莊子), Bao Jingyan (鮑敬言), and Sima Qian (司馬遷) were the first explicit champions of libertarianism and anarchism in recorded history.As the late, great Austrian School economist Murray Rothbard wrote in Chapter One of his book, "An Austrian Perspective on the History of Economic Thought":

The Taoists (Daoists) were the world's first libertarians, who believed in virtually no interference by the state in economy or society.


Laozi 老子 (Lao Tzu), the World's First Libertarian

To the individualist Lao Tzu, government, with its "laws and regulations more numerous than the hairs of an ox," was a vicious oppressor of the individual, and "more to be feared than fierce tigers." Government, in sum, must be limited to the smallest possible minimum; "inaction" became the watchword for Lao Tzu, since only inaction of government can permit the individual to flourish and achieve happiness. Any intervention by government, he declared, would be counterproductive, and would lead to confusion and turmoil. The first political economist to discern the systemic effects of government intervention, Lao Tzu, after referring to the common experience of mankind, came to his penetrating conclusion: "The more artificial taboos and restrictions there are in the world, the more the people are impoverished. The more that laws and regulations are given prominence, the more thieves and robbers there will be."

The worst of government interventions, according to Lao Tzu, was heavy taxation and war. "The people hunger because theft superiors consume an excess in taxation" and, "where armies have been stationed, thorns and brambles grow. After a great war, harsh years of famine are sure to follow."

The wisest course is to keep the government simple and inactive, for then the world "stabilizes itself."

As Lao Tzu put it: "Therefore, the Sage says: I take no action yet the people transform themselves, I favor quiescence and the people right themselves, I take no action and the people enrich themselves."


Zhuangzi 莊子 (Chuang Tsu), the World's First Individualist Anarchist

Two centuries later, Lao Tzu's great follower Chuang Tzu (369—c.286 BC) built on the master's ideas of laissez-faire to push them to their logical conclusion: individualist anarchism. Chuang Tzu, who wrote in allegorical parables, was the first anarchist in the history of human thought. Chuang Tzu's fame spread far and wide throughout China.

Chuang Tzu reiterated and embellished Lao Tzu's devotion to laissez-faire and opposition to state rule: "There has been such a thing as letting mankind alone; there has never been such a thing as governing mankind [with success]." Chuang Tzu was also the first to work out the idea of "spontaneous order," independently discovered by Proudhon in the nineteenth century, and developed by F.A. von Hayek of the Austrian School in the twentieth. Thus, Chuang Tzu: "Good order results spontaneously when things are let alone."

Chuang Tzu concluded, the world "does simply not need governing; in fact it should not be governed."

Chuang Tzu, moreover, was perhaps the first theorist to see the state as a brigand writ large: "A petty thief is put in jail. A great brigand becomes a ruler of a State." Thus, the only difference between state rulers and out-and-out robber chieftains is the size of their depredations. This theme of ruler-as-robber was to be repeated, as we have seen, by Cicero, and later by Christian thinkers in the Middle Ages.


Bao Jingyan 鮑敬言 (Pao Ching-yen), China's own "V"
no image available

Taoist thought flourished for several centuries, culminating in the most determinedly anarchistic thinker, Pao Ching-yen, who lived in the early fourth century AD. In the earliest days, wrote Pao, "there were no rulers and no officials. Placidly going their ways with no encumbrances, they grandly achieved their own fulfillment." In the stateless age, there was no warfare and no disorder.

Into this idyll of peace and contentment, wrote Pao Ching-yen, there came the violence and deceit instituted by the state. The history of government is the history of violence, of the strong plundering the weak. Wicked tyrants engage in orgies of violence; being rulers they "could give free rein to all desires." Furthermore, the government's institutionalization of violence meant that the petty disorders of daily life would be greatly intensified and expanded on a much larger scale.

To the common charge that he has overlooked good and benevolent rulers, Pao replied that the government itself is a violent exploitation of the weak by the strong. The system itself is the problem, and the object of government is not to benefit the people, but to control and plunder them. There is no ruler who can compare in virtue with a condition of non-rule.

Pao Ching-yen also engaged in a masterful study in political psychology by pointing out that the very existence of institutionalized violence by the state generates imitative violence among the people. The common idea, concluded Pao, that strong government is needed to combat disorders among the people, commits the serious error of confusing cause and effect.


Sima Qian 司馬遷 (Ssu-ma Ch'ien), the World's First Laissez-Faire Economist

The distinguished second century B.C. historian, Ssu-ma Ch'ien (145-c.90 BC) was an advocate of laissez-faire, and pointed out that minimal government made for abundance of food and clothing, as did the abstinence of government from competing with private enterprise.

He saw that specialization and the division of labor on the market produced goods and services in an orderly fashion. To Sima this was the natural outcome of the free market. "Does this not ally with reason? Is it not a natural result?" Furthermore, prices are regulated on the market, since excessively cheap or dear prices tend to correct themselves and reach a proper level.

But if the free market is self-regulating, asked Sima perceptively, "what need is there for government directives, mobilizations of labor, or periodic assemblies?" What need indeed?

Sinophobic "champions of freedom and human rights" assume that China is heir to a long and unsavory tradition of "Oriental Despotism". They demand that Beijing jettison its "Oriental Despotism" in favor of "Western Progressivism"

Their simplistic calculus is:

China is Communist
Communism is authoritarian
China is congenitally authoritarian

The first problem with this facile calculus is that Chinese Communism was not a Chinese form of authoritarianism. It was a Western form of authoritarianism, correction, Western form of totalitarianism, imported into to China.

In a sense, it was a lot like the opium imported into China at gunpoint by Great Britain. To turn Karl Marx's aphorism back on him, "Marxism was the opiate of Western style reformers." Today of course, the opium being imported into China by Western reformers is not Marxism, but another defective and dysfunctional political system known as "democracy", or is it "Democracy"?The second problem with this facile calculus is that China is not "congenitally authoritarian". China does not need to emulate an "intrinsically liberal" America. China boasts an ancient and venerable tradition of liberal political thought all its own.

Did I say liberal political thought? That is far too mild. That is damning with faint praise.

Ancient China boasts a legacy of hardcore individualist thought, libertarian thought, anarchist thought. This priceless legacy may serve China well in the coming century. More importantly, it may serve mankind well in the coming millennia.

Who knows? The day may come when Googling the words: "authoritarianism, liberalism, Western, Chinese" may yield page after page on "China's Historic Contribution to Global Freedom in the 23rd Century."

See:It all began, as usual, with the Greeks: Taoism in Ancient China, by Murray N. Rothbard

He's Acting Pretty Normal Today

He's Acting Pretty Normal Today
Anonymous
Rewritten by Bevin Chu
September 06, 2007

One day President Chen Shui-bian inspected a mental hospital.

The mental patients lined up along the corridors, grinning broadly, waving wildly, shouting: "Long live Chen Shui-bian! Long live Chen Shui-bian!"

One mental patient however stood arms crossed, with a sullen expression on his face, totally ignoring A Bian.

A Bian noticed this and asked the director of the mental hospital: "What's wrong with that patient? Why isn't he cheering? Is he not feeling well?"

The director answered: "Him? Oh no, he's acting pretty normal today."


Robert De Niro as Paul Vitti in "Analyze That!"

他今天精神非常正常！
由匿名
2007.09.06

有一天陳水扁總統前往某家精神病院視察。

所有的病患都站在走廊上高 聲歡呼：「陳水扁萬歲！陳水扁萬歲！」

只有一名病患面無表情，對總統不理不睬。

陳水扁看到了，於是問院長說：「那位病人為什麼不對我歡呼呢？」

院長：「因為他今天精神非常正常！」

A Head Full of Rocks

A Head Full of Rocks
Anonymous
Rewritten by Bevin Chu
September 4, 2007

A manufacturer on Taiwan invents an IQ Testing Machine. He provides a prototype to the Republic of China Presidential Office. Presidential Advisor Chiu Yi-jen decides to give it a try. He puts his head in the machine. The machine announces in a mechanical voice "IQ: 86." Chiu frowns, displeased. Vice President Annette Lu, never a shrinking violet, decides to give it a try. The machine says "IQ: 94." Lu frowns darkly. Chen Shui-bian, seeing a gathered crowd, asks what's going on, so they tell him. But as soon as he puts his head in the machine, it goes berserk. Lights flash, sirens wail, and the machine says "Warning! Warning! Do not put rocks in this machine!"

After this embarrassment, the manufacturer accelerates development, and turns out a second version. Chiu tries again. The machine says "IQ: 96." Chiu frowns, saying "Close, but no cigar." Lu tries again too. The machine says "IQ: 104." Lu purses her lips but says nothing. A Bian thinks to himself: It's been improved, I might as well give it another try. So he puts his head in the machine again. The machine remains silent for what seems an eternity. Finally it says "I know this rock!"

Having made central government officials look bad twice in a row, the manufacturer hires a team of outside experts. They develop a third version. Chiu gives it another try. The machine says "IQ: 106." Chiu smiles, "That's more like it." Lu also gives it another try. The machine says "IQ: 114." Mollified, Lu says "Yes, I agree." They inform Chen. This time, A Bian decides to play it safe. Instead of putting his head in the machine, he orders Chiu to put in a rock. The machine goes berserk. Lights flash, trumpets blare, and the machine intones "Greetings Mr. President! We await your orders!"


"Presidential Advisor" Chiu Yi-jen


"Vice President" Annette Lu


"President" Chen Shui-bian


Digital IQ Testing Machine, Made in Taiwan

政治笑話
石頭腦袋陳水扁
由匿名
2007. 09.04

某廠生產了一種智商測試儀，獻給總統府。邱義仁要試一試，把腦袋往裡面一伸，機器說「智商85」，小邱很高興。呂秀蓮腦袋放裡面，機器說「智商90」呂也很高興。陳水扁見大家這麼高興致，也去試一試。腦袋往裡面一伸，機器說「儀器珍貴，請大家小心使用，請不要往裡面放石頭」。

上次事件發生後，廠家急忙升級，很快推出了2.0版本。於是，邱再來一試，機器說「智商90」，邱大喜「長了5分」。呂來一試，機器說「智 商95」，呂也大喜。阿扁一看，心想這次應該沒問題了，也來一試。機器半天不說 話，最後終於說：「這塊石頭好面熟」。

連續兩次讓中央領導出醜，廠家立刻高薪聘請專家，進行第三次升級。經過N位專家努力，終於推出了3.0版。於是，邱又來一試，機器說「智商95」，邱大喜「這次測得準」。呂來一試，機器說「智商100」，呂也大喜，也說「現在才測得準」。大家都叫阿扁來試一試，這回阿扁學乖了，先叫人往裡面放一塊石頭看機器的反應。只見機器立刻打 出10個大字「歡迎陳總統光臨指導」。